The audacity of hope

So, finally he has been sworn in. Barack Obama has taken over as President of America. It must be a special feeling for the African American community – after all that they have had to go through. His speech was a fluff talk in my opinion. But, we have to watch him cautiously as his team works its way through some issues.

In India, the equivalent of the blacks might be the Dailts, in Australia it’s the aborigines, in New Zealand the Maoris. All these countries have done their bit for the integration of the down trodden to main society. I guess India has actually done much better than a lot of the developed countries.

So – coming back to the concept of hope – it’s an important fuel for the world. If tomorrow is perceived to be better than today, it’s a great feeling. Change is the buzzword currently – it’s here to stay. In corporate life, will that mean a new twist towards socio-capitalism?

Sea of Poppies

Amitav Ghosh's book by this title was my latest escapade into the imaginary world of books. This was an awesome page-turner set in the 1830s in a colonial India.
Deeti, kabuthri-ki-ma is a regular peasant woman, growing poppies on her field - primarily out of compulsion by the East India company. The company wants to make money by selling opium in China, exported from the fields and factories in India. It describes a time when the 'weed' was taking over the vast agricultural expanses of eastern India fed by the Ganga - to satisfy the greed of the company. Her husband, an afeemkhor or an opium addict dies after an accident in the opium factory. Kalua is the ox-cart driver of lower caste, whose destiny is, to rescue Deeti from a sati she was going to jump into to escape life in the protection of a perverted brother-in-law.
Zachary Reid, is a mulatto, freeman, who becomes second mate on ship from a carpenter, due to a twist of fate in which all the seniors on the ship have died due to disease. He has shown a lot of promise and the Raj has rewarded him by making him the second mate of the Ibis. The Ibis is a central character in the story - it's a former slave ship from America that is now being put to use to transport Girmitiyas or indentured labourers.
Paulette Lambert(or Putli), a french girl living in Calcutta, daughter of a botanist that worked in the Botanical gardens in Calcutta, and having been brought up by a local maid, feels more Bengali than European. As a consequence of living with her benefactor, Mr Burnham or Burra Sahib, must get on the ship to escape the torments of the lady like mannerisms being imposed on her; and more because she wants to escape from her new life in Calcutta. She wants to go to Mauritius too, where the Ibis was going to be heading.
The story has some other interesting characters - Jodu, Putli's brother by virtue of being brought up the same mother, Neel Rattan Halder, the zemindar of Raskhali, Ah-Fatt the half Chinese, half Parsi afeemkhor, and the most interesting one being Baboo Nob Kissin :)).
The novel gives a good insight into the personal lives of several Girmitiyas - giving us a peak into the migration of Indian labourers into Mauritius, Fiji, Suriname, Malaysia and scores of other countries with an Indian diaspora. It also tells a tale of colonialism, on the business acumen of the English, and their justification of the opium wars, which in a satirical manner is portrayed as being the protection of free trade, even if it meant death, destruction and addiction of the Chinese populations!
The language used in the book is an eclectic mix of English, Hindusthani and Bengali. Sentences like "Do a dekho of me" are common. Also, several nuances of Indian English are exploited to give it a humorous quote as well. The sailor speak of Serang Ali, is cute and funny. The Malay-English-Hindi mix comes out very funny and kudos to the author for getting such humour into a well researched, semi-historical account of several lives thrown in together by destiny.
Overall, an enjoyable page-turner and entertainment to the core. It transports the reader to a bygone era very effectively.

Mood of an Indian

I feel injured, hurt and angry. I didn't personally lose anybody or any body's anything - but lost a few brave soldiers. Mumbai is hurt - this great city has been attacked. The whole country has been hurt ...
Will it be different this time? I have reason to believe, yes it will be different! I think the middle class and the upper classes will finally wake up. I hope I am awake too. I want to make a difference ... I will contemplate how, over the next few days ...
Enough has been written on how pathetic our politicians are. There are enough people in developed countries who laugh and make a joke of how Mumbai is burning ... I feel angry .. but I don't react to these jokers. I also realized how insensitive I might have been to others, when I might have spoken of the situation in Afghanistan or Iraq (though I should admit I haven't met anyone from these countries and spoken to them in my living memory).
As I feel sombre and my mood is grey - I hope I will be awake. I hope I don't go back to sleep. I hope our middle classes don't go back to sleep ... And deep inside, I have a dream! I dream of an India that is advanced - may not be in monetary terms, advanced in culture, in peace and above all - that one thing that is the greatest of our resources - love! India is about love .. We will share it with the world and the world will fall in love with us again.

Nostalgia

I am reading Vikram Seth's book - From Heaven Lake. It's an interesting travelogue of Vikram through the western parts of China and then into Tibet. Anyway - an interesting quote in the book is - "My present is all about collecting experiences for future nostalgia".

Do we always feel that the past was glorious? Does memory have automatic filter by which it removes the bad parts and stores only the good ones? When I look back at my childhood, at first sight, it always seems like a perfect one. I was doing well in my studies, I played basketball 4 hours every day, I had the most loving of parents, I loved reading books and my parents always bought me whatever books I wanted. Fast forward to college days - days of fun, of being in a remote village cut off from civilization, of those late night lachaas ... and of aloo bhujia, girls on campus and travels through parts of Rajasthan!

Is there selective memory? In comparison, the present is a it dull, slow! Well it actually might be because of the environment/conditions in which we live. Professionally, we are going through a merger - lots of uncertainty, horrible market conditions outside! Personally, it's been a shitty year. I don't have many friends in office; struggle to get a decent conversation about anything outside of work with my colleagues. The most beautiful thing is my wife still loves me and is a pillar of strength for me during these tumultuous times. I feel lonely, I miss my father and I cry every other night. But, may be I will wake up at a later date and think this was a good time in my life?

Music can make one feel nostalgic; books transport you into another world that kind of equates to nostalgia. When I was reading Vikram Seth's book on travel through the Uighir regions of China, I myself starting floating into a nostalgia of visiting the Babu budan giri dagah near Chikmagalur. I relived that memory with a pleasant smile. When Pooja and I talk to Bangalore, both of us break into an involuntary smile - recollecting the memories of Jakarandas, Silk cottons and of the travels into Karnataka and the walks in Indira nagar park. Of the dreams that we lived in those walks and what the future would present to us.

Now, the future is here! Well, it seems like this is not what those dreams looked like. But, we have some money now - which we didn't at that time!

The big nostalgia I had when I sat by my father's bed in the hospital was one of the two of us on a scooter. We were going nowhere like we did so many times. He would kick start the scooter, and two of us would ride to everywhere and nowhere. Those were the days when the seeds of exploration, of loving suspense, and being part of the journey without necessarily knowing what the destination was, were sown. And here, I continue on that journey that my father started .. I hope he is continuing on that one as a soul - and I love him!

Life, death and everything else ...

I miss him a lot. Every night I dream of having a conversation with him. Every morning, I wake up thinking; if only he was here … It was on the dawn of 31 August – this year. The living world changed on me. The amount of pure, unconditional love I got from the living world less than halved in a moment. I wake up in the middle of the night – screaming, sweating, shouting the question, “why?” Why did this need to happen. It was a happy world – full of love – full of unconditional and pure love.

A lot has happened this year. People who loved me – four of them departed, one by one in a span of 3 months. The year was horrible. When you are going through this shit, you pinch yourself and ask, “Is this real?” Sadly the answer is always, yes – this is life.

Never has my pursuit of the answer for what happens after life, or after death, been of greater significance. I had a theory long back – a result of probably a collection of some shallow thought on my part, and a set of stories from I gathered this theory.

Am I in a dream, or am I the dream? The concept of illusion or Maya might sound fatalistic – but I don’t have an alternative to that theory to explain why such things happen. Dream is the reality and reality is the dream. What is real, in my humble opinion, in this dream, is the love. Love is real and this is something I have learnt over the years.

Love stretches beyond dreams, nights and days. In the year of sadness, I also experienced love of some great people. I can still feel the intensity of the love of my father. I can see him smile at me, walk with me and speak to me. I can hear his voice, I can hear him sing and I can feel his hug. That’s what comes from pure unconditional love. But, the amount of pure, unconditional love I received from the living world, dwindled, folded and dwarfed into a tiny fraction of its original measure before that fateful day.

These incidents of the year have opened a can of questions. The questions come hurling at me at amazing pace every day and night. Some are tough questions I have not thought about … some are the same old questions that have suddenly become important again. Some are plain thoughts hurling past me … And I want to be aware - aware of the thoughts, questions and the love.

Blog therapy

My wife loves me! I love her! One aspect of life that's not changed. She gives me love therapy - I feel alright when the balm is love is given. I feel happy ... but then, like a blood sucking snake takes me deep down again ... I am depressed .. nothing matters .. everything matters ...
That's not what it should sound like. We have both almost paid off the debt from the last big adventure - the MBA. That's a good time record within which we have done it. We both have permanent jobs now.
But ..... I am depressed! Nothing matters .. I don't feel like going to office ... I'm not excited by anything ... In my previous group, I thought I had done a good job - but, guess what - nobody cares! Not a sparrow's fart's worth of rememberance by people! It's as if nothing happened for the last one year. Some people who matter seem to convey otherwise, but in effect nothing!
I'm reaching stage of mental sickness. At work, I sit in a corner and read. Discovering a whole new world. That whole new world does not matter. IPL is going great on TV - but the idiots in this country telecast it recorded at 1 AM every day!
I need an oil dipping, sole searching ... it's not right! I shouldn't be feeling so worthless!!

Hello BlogWorld!

I am showing signs that I want to write again. How will it manifest itself, I don't know yet! It's been such a long time since I wrote in this public scrap book of mine.

2007 is more than half over! The last time I blogged, I wished happy new year. Life has changed so much since then. To begin with, I am in a different part of the World to where I had been so far. Work is looking interesting - I am beginning to make some impact at least.

Australia is a different continent - different world, in fact! People are totally different. We have started watching a lot of movies. Some movies have been really good - I would strongly recommend "Crash" and "Dances with the wolves". Very deeply involving movies - both. Crash is shows you the essence of racial prejudice. You face or show it in different ways every day - depending on whether you are in the minority or majority. It's a very interesting - we talk extensively about it all the time.

Hopefully, will update this space more often!

Happy 2007

Wish you all a very happy new year. We had a quite and common man's new year's eve. We walked around Boat Quay and then to Marina Bay to witness the fireworks along with thousands of people in Singapore. I was impressed with the fireworks.
Here's a picture from the pictures. Enjoy the new year and hope it works out well for all of us!

Game, set and match!

The year of MBA at INSEAD is over! Time somehow seems to accelerate and fuel itself to faster speed. This year has rushed passed so fast - what did I want to achieve, what did I want to reflect on, what did I want to build into my personality - somehow all these questions still seem to be a blurr. May be time is the only solution.
How has his year impacted me? I've met some great people and also some not-so-good people. These friends will remain for life. I know that when I speak to some of them; their concern is genuine, their warmth is penetrative. Finally, management is about two things - people and negotiations. I think the business world just replicates these two simple factors of relationship management.
We have our graduation next week. This might be the last time I will be seeing many of my classmates. Some of them are on their path of become rich and famous; some of them are set out on journey to make a difference to the world; some of them as clueless as me and some of my mates. This year was supposed to be a year of reflection, a year to clear the muddle in my head. If anything else, I think the muddle's only increased; my confidence definitely been eroded. It'll take time to absorb the showers of knowledge blasted on this year; it will take time to know what the value of this MBA is; and most importantly, the message to be taken from this year will remain forever ...

Good job, bad job!

So we are entering the last day of classes at INSEAD. A bit nostalgic, a bit hurried, a bit weird and a lot more restless. This year has opened so many options for many of us, and at the same time we have priced ourselves out of some other jobs. This is an interesting point in life to reflect and think of jobs!

One of my first bosses at work told me once that work itself is a bad thing – so why do you differentiate between good and bad jobs. I had used this on some of my reportees too – it’s basically a tool that managers use to fend off questions on change and challenge. Coming out of b-school and especially now, one faces a set of choices – not that there are many in my case, but even to justify to myself on what is it that I would like to do in the long run …. I had yet another bunch of questions asking me why I thought I was suited for a particular role and I had to rant off my usual answers. it’s amazing how the human mind works vis-à-vis job search. If there are many obstacles, you get eliminated anyway. If the selection is easy and straight forward, the the mind suspects it’s not going to be a challenging job!

As a friend once pointed out, for the first time in the history of mankind, the upper classes wants to and will be working much more than the lower classes. There is this drive to work harder and do that bit extra to impress someone in the business organization to get that extra bit of recognition. There are going to be situations in our professional lives from now, when decision making will be key. Till now, I’ve had it easy in a lot of situations being in operational roles, but increasingly, I will be moving to more front line and top line roles. Where is everything headed, time shall unwind and reveal itself ….. till then, I have to complete coursework and a few residual interviews.

Desi Week - We like it hot!

Dec 4-8, we celebrated the Desi week at INSEAD. We called it Desi week to accommodate our neighbours Pakistan and Sri Lanka into the party. It was a lot of work by some people - but the end result was awesome.

Many thanks to the sponsors - Infosys, Nokia, Smirnoff and Taj Hotels. And very interestingly we got amazing help from India tourism with the Incredible India! posters, brochures and a bhangra troupe that cracked the show during the party. We had a splash of colours, desi-ness, food and party into one week.

The pinnacle of the week was on Wednesday when we had the Desi dinner and party. As part of the party arrangements, we scouted around the whole of Singapore looking for places for the party and finally zeroed in on the New Park hotel in Little India. It's a nice place for the occasion. The music was completely Punju types and all our friends from the whole world had a blast!

Some pictures that should speak for themselves.
















The decor in school for the Desi week - good number of posters from India, a few from Pakistan and Sri Lanka.

The decor for the bazaar - where we brought vendors from Little India to setup stalls. We made a good impact in terms of the cultural exhibition, unfortunately couldn't plan enough for the business events.

With Abel during the party! We smacked every one's forehead with teekas. The party was a hit everyone swinging to bhangra numbers - we had an awesome bhangra group lent to us by India tourism office in Singapore.

Happiness and relief

And I have a job offerJ. It’s such a relief to be on the other side of the fence! So I got a job offer from Westpac bank in Sydney, Australia – the same place where Pooja already has an offer. So it’s a big relief and joy that we will be in the same city without compromising on our careers. Never thought at the beginning of the year that we would go to Australia. After all this roller-coaster, there is happiness and relief. I’m really looking forward to joining the labour market again to contribute to the GDP growth of the world.

So the role is in technology strategy of a retail bank. It sounds exciting and it covers functions across risk management, finance, marketing and HR. I still haven’t been to Australia but trust in my sweetheart’s judgement about the country, its people and specifically the people who we’ll be working with. So, this is a General management career path and that sounds pretty exciting. I have a chance to be a ‘leader’, thinker and do-er.

The interview process itself gave me time to reflect on what I want out of a career or a job. I realized that it was not the type of job that was important – but more of a list of criteria that should be satisfied by a career path. I will discuss those traits in a letr post. In the meantime, business school is meandering to an end. I will graduate with an MBA degree in 3 weeks’ time. It feels too sudden, but at the same time feels like it’s been a drag. It feels great to be part of a global community of big achievers and yet feels like we’re all shallow running after we don’t even know what! Or like a friend put it, it feels like a good movie that’s coming to an end. And a good movie is never the one where you can predict the end! I believe this is just another beginning. Career is important because we spend more than 70% of our waking time at work. But, at the same time, it’s good to enjoy the God of small things J… Sydney – here I come.

Place to live?

For the first time in life, I’m at a point when, I don’t know where I’ll be next month on this date. I mean, literally, not figuratively! As job search goes on and on forever, my stories also have their own ups and downs. From being a super-duper people manager to a strategic thinker I have played my part to the dances and tunes of the recruiter. This week’s going to be busy – with interviews and coursework. Talking of interviews, I’m a bit all over the place in terms of location, function and industry. Well industry not so much, but the other two definitely.

So INSEAD and a 1 year MBA in general is not that great for career changers. By career changer, I mean change any two of this set :  {function, geography, industry}. It’s pretty tough to define these terms, but even after making the most drastic adjustments to your own expectations and also of the recruiters, it’s still so bloody tough to get a job!

Anyway, the scenarios and options look promising. Just the fact that I could be working anywhere from Sydney to London to the US – the geographical spread is broad and wide. But, Singapore stands out as a desirable place to live in. There are three main reasons to it: convenience, saving potential and proximity.  It’s easily the most convenient city on earth to live in.  One doesn’t need to own a car, the air, water and land are clean. Food is available cheap and plenty outside of home. It’s saving potential os great because the taxes are low and salaries though not that high, is still quite good for a decent life. Proximity to India is an attractive attribute for us – one can just land up in the airport and take a flight home. Not too many places in the world from where we can do that!

So – back to the hunting and hoping for the best!

Risk aversion

I realized that I have been so risk averse in life. An example to illustrate this - I cut my losses when I lost 2 $ in a slot machine in a Casino whose entry fees was probably 10$!!!! I wonder whether risk aversion is a genetic/upbringing thing or a huge deficiency in self confidence. Or is it lack of ambition?

My upbringing has been so conservative in terms of financial risks and thoughts, that probably the idea of taking up an MBA itself was quite a daring thing. When we were coming for the MBA, everyone thought we were taking very big risks; we always wondered where the risk was! So …. What do we want to take away from all this? Will I ever have the balls to become an entrepreneur some day?

Release ..

I want this blog to be a release point .. release all my pain and frustrations … so I can look back at it and laugh at it some time in the future. What matters and what does not today, suddenly feels very irrelevent in tomorrow’s context. Some decisions and their basis shape our journey; and those decisions finally define who you are!

Anyway, a few things happening right now in terms of interviews and career. Only time will tell where these decisions take us.

The indian team’s performance yesterday was nothing short of pathetic. Unfortunately, our Desi week at INSEAD, the theme is cricket. It’s pretty sad and too late to change!

Random rambling ...

Dale Carnegie once wrote a book called “How to stop worrying and start living” – I used to know how to do that a while back. But now, I seem a bit uncapable of doing that.  Self- doubt is the worst enemy from within in times such as this. Loads of work to do – and the mind starts worrying thinking that there’s so much to do without actually doing them! It’s an interesting way in which our mind and body work.

Outside of abstraction, I have a lineup of interviews and I hope really do well in those. I guess everyone hopes that way, but somehow the heart beat is killing. Tension le le ko nakko, a friend of mine from Bangalore always told me. But,  when you are at striking distance from a goal, and you have just stood there for a while, it’s a tough tough world to be just standing there. Add to that a very big eveil – peer pressure. Before an MBA, you always heard of those life transforming experiences. You go thhrough the whole thing in terms of effort, but not yet in terms of results. I agree there’s time and it’s only a question of time, but still that’s the way the humand mind works.

Among other things, I actually sat through classes the whole weekend doing a course called Art of communication. The less said about the class, the better. Anyway, back to real world …. Logout from the blog world for today!

Countdown to graduation

So the INSEAD story is enterng its last phase. So more and more interviews are coming – not that many actually; but just that I know what I’m going to be doing next week. Besides, I have also loaded myself with academics! I have taken 4 courses; 3 credits though. But the courses are really good ones – Industry and competitive analysis, Business planning workshop, Pricing strategy and Art of communication.

I was talking to a potential recruiter today and for the first time I felt my confidence coming back. A very interesting exercise I learnt from my Negotiations professor came in really handy. He said that he had identified 78 interests when he joined INSEAD as a prof. I did a similar exercise myself through some soul searching and found that it is an effective way of convincing yourself of an interest in a particular job or position. The way it works is like this – you manage to convince yourself of why you want the job, it’s half the work done. The other half is then convincing the interviewer why he needs you. That process can similarly be built up – I haven’t done that yet with any employer, but I’m definitely going to try it out with some of the leads I have.

Finally – b-school in general and INSEAD in particular can be such completely different experiences depending on who you are and how secure you feel. When we were coming to Singapore for the MBA, lot of people were telling us that we were taking a big risk. But we never realized why they were saying that! The point is that when you are sold to a concept especially like that of an MBA, you see only the upside. The downsides and the risks somehow get lost in the pile of examples. Of course, the risk downsides are not really that much of a downside – but risks certainly exist. And these can be extraneous. The diversity itself gets us down in many situations. There are so many Indians; software background and speak good English. How the hell will a recruiter differentiate Krishnan from Rama from Ajay. Everybody is equally talented or mediocre!

So much has happened!

The blog Gods won’t forgive me for not penning down this last month or so of my life. It’s been very exciting roller coaster! I have had so many dings in applications for jobs at various stages of the recruitment process. Firstly, the consulting companies gave me a total pass except for one mistake. Marakon called me for an interview and I got disposed off in the very first round. Reason: well, you are not structured enough! A very pleasant way of saying, “Who the hell short-listed this guy?”. Then I get some calls which were very doable. American express interview went pretty well by any standards; but again the result was the same. Reason: Not known! Google was supposed to be dream company. I interviewed with them for 2 positions. I screwed up by telling the less glamourous role’s interviewer that it was my second choice. And the more glamorous role of a product manager was anyway too good to be true! Result: Ding again!!

In the meantime, there was process that was going in parallel that always looked promising. BT – British Telecom. The call for the final interview came – I flew to London to give the interview. There were 5 interviews in 7 hours of a day. The undoing of Prashant was again in a case interview! I got the ding there also – which was the most workable scenario for us – that one of us finds a job in the UK; and the other goes there and finds a job in a short duration. Anyway, some positives from the trip – I visited my uncle, aunt and cousin in Dartford, south east of London. I had a very relaxed time and for the first time in life, I played with a dog. Their pappion is a cute fellow called Oscar. I also really enjoyed walking around London. For some strange reasons which people call Global warming, London wasn’t cold!

Back to Singapore now and back in the grind. Back to sending zillions of applications. I am going to fight it out! Come what may, I shall not get bogged down and somehow go there and fight it out at each subsequent interview. I need to increase my aggression quotient – not possible in the short run, but the business world demands of me to become aggressive. How I can achieve that in the short term, I don’t know. This is the age by when people are trying to sober down, but I’m going to be trying the opposite direction. Only time will tell where the drift takes us …  as of now it looks like the Sydney harbour bridge!

 

Somebody give me a job

So lots of things have happened since the last time I managed to write something on this blog. P4 courses are going on in full swing, writing cover letters and getting dings from companies. My wifey is going great guns in the meanwhile. She has an interview with Bain coming up – I really hope she cracks it and gets an offer with them. In the meanwhile my job search has taken proportions of greater geographical spread. I now need to start applying to Australia also – chasing my sweetheart as usualJ. Anyway, the long term plan is to let her go and earn the money, while I can sit home, philosophize and do some home jobs. Sounds like fun eh? ;).

 

Business world is a bad world of lies, cheating and increasingly of lower ethics. People just tell white lies in their cover letters – makes me feel I haven’t done anything in my career so far. Looking back at my career, there are so many things I could’ve done better. May be the bottom line of my career has been lack of ambition. I have been easy to satisfy in terms of happiness. I guess I will continue to be so – but there’s this new burden of a loan that’s accumulating interest at an alarming rate. Anyway, as the saying goes, everything happens for goodJ.

Bollywood song

An american friend described a Bollywood song as "an expression of love between a man and a woman in the company of their 60 best friends of either sex". I just found this quite hilarious! We get to watch Tamil and Hindi movies on the regular local channel in Singapore - called Vasantham central. So the other day, an Irish friend sat through and watched "RHTDM" of Maddy and Diya Mirza fame - and he said he was watching without his wife's knowledge ;). He didn't want her to catch him watching a hindi movie :))).