Nostalgia

I am reading Vikram Seth's book - From Heaven Lake. It's an interesting travelogue of Vikram through the western parts of China and then into Tibet. Anyway - an interesting quote in the book is - "My present is all about collecting experiences for future nostalgia".

Do we always feel that the past was glorious? Does memory have automatic filter by which it removes the bad parts and stores only the good ones? When I look back at my childhood, at first sight, it always seems like a perfect one. I was doing well in my studies, I played basketball 4 hours every day, I had the most loving of parents, I loved reading books and my parents always bought me whatever books I wanted. Fast forward to college days - days of fun, of being in a remote village cut off from civilization, of those late night lachaas ... and of aloo bhujia, girls on campus and travels through parts of Rajasthan!

Is there selective memory? In comparison, the present is a it dull, slow! Well it actually might be because of the environment/conditions in which we live. Professionally, we are going through a merger - lots of uncertainty, horrible market conditions outside! Personally, it's been a shitty year. I don't have many friends in office; struggle to get a decent conversation about anything outside of work with my colleagues. The most beautiful thing is my wife still loves me and is a pillar of strength for me during these tumultuous times. I feel lonely, I miss my father and I cry every other night. But, may be I will wake up at a later date and think this was a good time in my life?

Music can make one feel nostalgic; books transport you into another world that kind of equates to nostalgia. When I was reading Vikram Seth's book on travel through the Uighir regions of China, I myself starting floating into a nostalgia of visiting the Babu budan giri dagah near Chikmagalur. I relived that memory with a pleasant smile. When Pooja and I talk to Bangalore, both of us break into an involuntary smile - recollecting the memories of Jakarandas, Silk cottons and of the travels into Karnataka and the walks in Indira nagar park. Of the dreams that we lived in those walks and what the future would present to us.

Now, the future is here! Well, it seems like this is not what those dreams looked like. But, we have some money now - which we didn't at that time!

The big nostalgia I had when I sat by my father's bed in the hospital was one of the two of us on a scooter. We were going nowhere like we did so many times. He would kick start the scooter, and two of us would ride to everywhere and nowhere. Those were the days when the seeds of exploration, of loving suspense, and being part of the journey without necessarily knowing what the destination was, were sown. And here, I continue on that journey that my father started .. I hope he is continuing on that one as a soul - and I love him!